Growing up in Northern Virginia you come into contact with a lot of different types of people. I, having attended the fine educational institution that is Thomas A. Edison high school, was able to interact with people from all walks of life – people from different races, ethnicities, religions and socioeconomic statuses. I also dated a boy who attended one of the private Catholic schools here and spent a considerable amount of time with people from various elitist private schools in the area. Now I will admit that there were some boys from my own high school who were not the nicest people on the planet, but it was through hanging out with these private school kids that I discovered an entirely separate species of male called the ‘Super Dick.’
You can often recognize this species by his uber preppy garb – think, seersucker shorts and a flamboyantly colored polo shirt (as an aside, I will say that I often think that this look is very attractive if pulled off correctly, hence my habit of engaging with these fools). This is not to say that all boys that wear preppy clothing are part of the Super Dick species – it is simply one of the many ways to identify them in the metropolitan wild.
The most easily recognizable trait of the Super Dick is their sense of entitlement. Most of them have been raised by parents who treat them as though they are somehow inherently better than the rest of us – moreso, that they are inherently better than women in general. They falsely believe that the world somehow owes them something and as a result they believe that women can never, and will never, be as smart, capable or worth what they and the rest of their species fancy themselves to be.
I have had more than my fair share of run-ins with the Super Dick. Because I have never subscribed to the idea that women should be seen and not heard often times these run-ins have ended rather poorly. The most common outcome of my engagements with the species is to somehow be cut down in a way that only men have the power to do – to be called a slut, or a whore, or some variation of this vile venom. Women do not have the verbal power to retaliate against such comments because it not really a terrible term to call a man (if you would like my further insight on this topic I would be happy to send you a paper that I wrote in my ‘Rhetoric and Aesthetics in Everyday Life’ course from grad school).
The only explanation for this behavior is pure and simple – plain old INSECURITY. Because the Super Dick has been raised to believe that he is somehow more intelligent (which by my observation has never actually been proven to be true), gifted, athletic, attractive, etc., than the rest of the human population, they simply cannot handle it if you attempt to shatter this distorted reality that they exist in.
I will admit that it has to be very sad and alarming to grow up thinking that you are some great thing and not have things pan out that way. If someone has been telling you how incredibly good looking you are your whole life and suddenly you reach the age where you realize that perhaps that is simply not the case and that you are average looking at best – that has got to be rough; but you know what – that is NOT MY PROBLEM and it is completely unacceptable to take your cognitive dissonance out on me. So to all you Super Dicks out there the world over (we all know you run rampant in NoVa), do us ladies a favor and buy yourself some time on the couch and try to move on from your hang-ups. It is about time that you evolved anyway.