Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Snakes in the Grass

Snake in the grass. Who knew that one little idiom could have such a real impact on my life the past several months?

.....As an aside, I must tell this one hilarious story about idioms. My dear friend is an ESOL teacher (bless her heart) and made all of her students come to class with an idiom to share and examine with the class. Well one student who had struggled all year but had made significant recent progress came in with this little gem, "Don't piss on my back and call it rain." HI-LARIOUS. But, I digress.....

So, snakes in the grass. Let's refer to the holy grail of all definition searches, Urban Dictionary. According to Urban Dictionary, a snake in the grass can be defined as:
1) "A shady, conniving person who could strike at anytime without warning. Similar to a gorilla in the mist."
2) "(eBay terminology) Someone who watches an auction but doesn't bid until the last minute."
And my personal favorite:
3) "The Punk Bitch who secretly loves your girlfriend and will strike at any weak moment in your relationship."

There are a lot of things that I have been trying to improve about myself in recent years; one key trait is that of forgiveness. It is no secret that I am not the most forgiving of people, normally if you screw me over in any fashion there is a good chance that you are going on ice in the cooler for several years - but I'm aware of it, and I'm working on it.

This summer I tried to flex my forgiveness muscles with several people. One in particular being a young man (certainly cannot be called a man), who had wronged me pretty severely back in college. He has a long history of being a douche but recently life had given him a swift kick to the crotch and I thought that perhaps he might have actually changed his ways.

In my effort for personal growth, I let go of the events that had transpired in our past and tried to be a good friend to this guy. He was employed (something he had never been in his life), generous, funny; it seemed as though he had really turned a corner from the guy that he used to be and was trying to be a better person. Too bad he's actually a psychopathic, abusive, spoiled little bitch.

I let my guard down, self-disclosed with this young man as I had when we were friends in college, and allowed him to see me in various vulnerable states - things I am not in a habit of doing. Meanwhile, there are red flags being thrown in my face by the invisible referees that I imagine run along side of me throughout my life, "he's verbally abusing your 'friend!'" "he's talking about you behind your back!" "he's throwing money around just to get you to like him!" If I had more carefully reviewed all of these calls by my life referees (how you like that analogy?), perhaps the ugliness that transpired between us recently would not have happened. But, perhaps it would have.

Douchey McSpoiledBrat hadn't changed at all. I've got the e-mails to prove it. And as for the 'friend' that he was abusing - well that's just a whole 'nother "Becky of the Week" post - and trust me, you'll want to read all about it.

The fact of the matter is that forgiveness is something that we should all be practicing on the regular, but forgiveness doesn't have to equal carte blanche. People can, and do, change, but some people are not going to change without medication and the care of a professional. I guess that the lesson in all of this is that before I go letting people all up in my business that I should vet them a little bit better - an important lesson to have learned before moving to a new city to make new friends. My heart is open to new relationships and experiences, but my eyes are open to all those punk bitches out there.