Wednesday, June 2, 2010
"When was the last time you had truly mind blowing sex?" - some Rick
This little gem of a quote was said to me at approximately 2 a.m. at the Lighthouse in Dewey Beach (yes, I was there blowing my paychecks on double vodkas and assorted suntan lotions). The rest of the engagement went a little something like this..... wait, let me paint a visual image; this guy was about 6'4'' with dark hair and features (sounds good right?), but he was wearing a black and white gingham checkered print shirt unbuttoned so you could see his gnarly chest hair and he had the creepiest of 'best-guyfriend-sidekicks' who was giving me looks that would have ashamed his mother. Now onto the encounter:
Moron: "When was the last time that you had truly mind blowing sex?"
S: "I'm sorry, what did you just say?"
Moron: "It's a very serious question."
S: "I understand that it's a very serious question."
Moron: "Because if your answer isn't 'today' then I am here to change that for you. You are way too hot to not be having mind blowing sex everyday."
S: "I'll tell you what is blowing my mind right now, this conversation. And I am never having any kind of sex with you."
This is just one of possibly hundreds of the exact same scenario that my girlfriends and I experienced during what can only be considered 'Spring Break for Young Professionals.' I have seen a lot of raging in my day, but this Memorial Day weekend in Delaware was one for the books. I don't know if it was the brutal winter that we all experienced in the DMV, or the high rate of unemployment or what it was that contributed to how phenomenally ridiculous EVERYONE was behaving. I went to Ocean City last summer for Memorial Day and it was definitely out of control, but this, this was so much more than that.
While most of the events of this weekend will be tucked away in my little 'well I guess that I can check that one off the life list' file, some of the stories are simply too good to not share. For example, one of my friends actually SLEPT at the Rusty Rudder. Not. Kidding. At. All. We awoke on Sunday morning and drove from Bethany back to Dewey to pick up TQ's car (big ups to TQ for being the ultimate superstar of the weekend), and as we're pulling out of our parking spot, our friend who had gone missing walks in front of our car! (These moments of happenstance took place all weekend long, it was magical). We're getting our iced coffees in an attempt to return to our human forms and he proceeds to let us know that he fell asleep in a BOOTH at the Rudder and woke up Sunday morning to a small yappy dog nipping at his ankles and morning-shift servers getting their sections ready. WTF right? So awesome.
Other amazing things that came out of this weekend include several new key terms that will be incorporated into my vocabulary for most of the foreseeable future (and hopefully the rest of my life. My dear friend Coco Deluxe has been calling random white girls Becky's for sometime now and prior to departing for the beach I was listening to 95.5 and one of the DJ's said "and everyone remembers how Tiki Barber left his wife earlier this year for some Becky...." Thus, this entire weekend was spent referring to the plethora of dumb broads everywhere as Becky's. We of course needed a complimentary term for the schlew of random white dudes present and thus coined the term Rick. This lead to such hilarious incidents such as:
TQ: Listen here Rick, we're not trying to talk to you.
Moron: What's a Rick?
S: YOU ARE.
All in all, this was probably the most incredible kick-off to summer that I have ever experienced. I truly don't know how any other weekend is going to measure up but something tells me that Summer 2K10 is going to be the stuff of legends.
One thing that I am positive of is that my political career is officially ruined. Thanks for nothing Dewey Beach. I hate you. And by hate you, I mean I'll see you in two weeks.